This is an important time to set an intention for the next lunar year. This New Moon is in Aries and the sun is in Aries as well. My sun sign is Aries and although it isn't the strongest influence in my chart I embrace the inner child. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, related to the root chakra, foundations, renewal, rebirth and hope. Since the moon is new, beginning a new lunar cycle for the year and is in the sign that represents new beginnings there is no better time than now to get serious about what direction you want your life to go in for the rest of the year.
Aries is always playful though so look at your hopes and dreams with childlike wonder. Like a child, hold on to the belief that anything you imagine can happen. Resist the inner critic, the "logical" grown-up inside you that tries to protect you from being hurt by crushing your dreams before they even have a chance to be planted. Trust that with the right amount of faith, intention and determination you can make your dreams your reality.
When setting your intention remember that before taking any type of action make absolutely sure you are certain. Trust your instincts, be patient (Aries influence is a 'dive in head first without thinking things through' influence), embrace new ideas, have faith and lots of courage. Heal your heart, your relationships and your preconceived notions around relationships of all kinds (Venus retrograde is already forcing this right now). Then you will clearly see and feel what it is you truly want.
It's best to write your intentions down and check in with your progress throughout the 28 day lunar cycle. For now, notice any old belief, habit or pattern that has held you back or kept you in a state of fear. Without judgement release it and create a powerful intention from there. What can you be more open to?
Venus Retrograde officially began on March 4th this year but it entered the shadow zone January 30th. It began hitting me hard about a week before the 4th though. Maybe it's because my ruling planet is Venus (in Taurus) or maybe it's my imagination... Either way I feel as though my life was a particular way and then in the last week I found out I live in a giant snow globe and some unseeable force shook it up and I'm still floating in the air watching life happen around me but unable to touch or interact with any of it. Is anyone else feeling this way?
Thinking back on the various types of orgasms I've experienced had me pondering the fact that the more significant the orgasm, the deeper sense of gratitude I experienced beforehand, (obviously anyone is grateful for a good orgasm after the fact). As I pondered and discussed this topic further with other people who are adept in this department I also began to ponder the act of surrender and its role in pleasure and ultimately orgasm - sexually speaking.
Orgasms are not difficult for me because I have learned to take my time, to have a very good sense of a man and know that there is a mutual synergy and respect with no sense of neediness or expectations attached. Yes, I have learned discernment and how to maintain my sense of dignity through less than and even traumatic avenues but I have learned and very much love where I'm at with my love life and sexuality.
Less truly can be more in this instance.
Less has meant not settling, waiting for perfect / divine timing, and sometimes a dash of love. As a recovering Love Addict and someone who is, in astrological terms, ruled by Venus in Taurus and who's Mars is in Pisces I do tend to fall in love a little with the people I let "in" (pun wasn't intended but there it is). "Love" in the English language is insultingly simple for what I mean though. I don't believe there is an addictive component when you can remain detached from any particular outcome and you have released that desperate image you have held on to in your mind for as long as you can remember. Believing in love and embracing it in each form that it has been presented to me has expanded my ideas, beliefs, imagination, creativity, spirituality and sense of self as well as my sense of wholeness and what that means. I will cover different types of "love" in different languages in future videos and blogs.
When I think about the less than satisfactory sexual experiences they all started with me, just as the best ones do. When I was having sex out of a feeling of obligation or because I was in want, it was less than satisfying. Although, some of my best realizations about myself and the darker path I once was on came (unintentional pun again) when in less than or even awful interactions with men I didn't really want to be with. They misunderstood this to mean we had a really good connection (and still do) but it was more the awakening you get when something really tragic happens. Thank you for the lesson... Moving on...
The greatest sexual experiences I have had were in the beginning of deep and meaningful love, before any betrayals, when I was naive about what "this could be" and surrendered completely with no regard to the pain that could come later. When betrayal and dismay set in the sexual experience shifts, mainly because my perceptions were shattered and now that person would represent that shattered fantasy. Once though, I let go of any fantasy or idea of what could be and fully embrace what is I gain control of my orgasm again. The union with this partner you trust and respect, who truly needs nothing from you than your presence when you are together becomes much more meaningful, even spiritual. Setting aside the physical ways I am capable of achieving my desired outcome (which I have rarely had issues with), as a woman, emotionally I am able to surrender, feeling safe, falling in love with the sensations in my body, each of them unique each time. I am able to carry this feeling into every day life. Trauma no longer ruling me, so any sensation felt in my body is trusted. I can even tell when I'm getting sick earlier and take preventative measures sooner because I am tuning in more.
This all brings me back to the original point, being grateful for your partner and his (or her) willingness to give you a safe space to be vulnerable allows for deeper and more meaningful orgasms, and the deeper that connection becomes the deeper and more intense the shared sexual expression.
So ultimately, if YOU were to look at orgasms as a component of gratitude, how would this change your perspective and even experience of sex (if at all).
There is much more to discuss on this topic in the future so I will pause for now with the intent that, if you are a woman and this is a difficult topic for you, I am happy to discuss more privately.
Visit my friend Kim's site for more work or to schedule a shoot of your own in the Phoenix area: http://www.goodvibesphoto.com/
October is a big month for delving into the shadows and after I read about the potential impact the Dark New Moon in Scorpio may have had on us I began to self-reflect on my own love for shadow work. This New Moon reunited me with memories from my past so I went with it to see what I was meant to learn.
As I layed in my bed in that space between being awake and asleep (research Yoga Nidra to know more) I felt my body sinking down, deep into the earth, into the past, into the bed of the one man who was once my ideation of love. I was the addict and he was my heroine and as I surrendered to this memory I was forced to face one of the greatest paradoxes of the love addiction cycle and that is not only was I addicted to the euphoric highs but also the devastating, soul crushing lows...
Life offers experiences that move our emotions like a pendulum and when in any kind of addictive cycle that pendulum swings almost violently from one extreme to the other. To cling to and pursue (even by avoiding - the opposite extreme of the same addictive cycle) an idea of a person, the fantasy of what "love" is supposed to be is to feed the addiction.
Have you ever noticed that if you read any "great" love story, the more painful and agonizing it is the more drawn in we become? We become addicted to the intensity, the euphoria can't be as high if the lows aren't hellishly low so when we see the opportunity to thrust ourselves into our fantasy we take it, and we revel in the glorious manifestation of that Oxytocin release and revel just as much, if not more so when things go "wrong", when we are betrayed, when our fantasy is betrayed. So we look for any way to get that hit again, that Oxytocin high and the cycle starts up again, either with that one person we have idealized or surrogates in the meantime.
Everything in life is filled with polarities and we create our own paradoxes based on our unmet needs, our fears, our empty and obscure hopes. We curse our pain, we curse ourselves for finding ourselves right back where we swore we would never be again. Why do we do this? I suppose it's different for each person. For me, I'm a deeply intense person that desires peace; I am a walking contradiction, but the thing I fear most is being suspended in the in-between of life. I crave all the richness life has to offer, I get too eager and swallow every experience whole and then need countless hours alone in order to find my balance again.
Breaking any kind of addictive cycle means we must recalibrate, find a new homeostasis. Finding your homeostasis isn't just about your physical body finding its healthy balance but also your mind, heart and spirit. So for me, I have released any idea of what relationships are "supposed to be" and am open to learning about what they are in each moment. I remain as present as possible and then share what I've learned after a cycle of learning, processing and integrating has passed.
This will prompt many questions for each person and with my experience and training I find greater joy in helping others find their own answers than any other work I have done. Know that your balance, what is healthy for you will continue to evolve as you do and people will come and go as you grow. The change of people in your life is a mere reflection of the work you are doing and how it's paying off so be patient, trust the process and trust yourself!
And by all means, allow yourself to grieve what was, no matter how unhealthy it may seem to you now. Free of judgement, blame, rationalizations for self or others, just be with your grief and love yourself for caring that much about your heart, your health and your safety. This isn't looking back, this is processing what was, allowing it to move and make room for what will be.
Maybe it's the upcoming Full Moon, maybe it's because it's Halloween month but I've had some vivid dreams with clear spiritual battles between perceived "good" and "evil". Last night my subconscious chose to show me people's energy by surrounding toxic people with black liquidy smoke and then I saw two women seated with gentle, almost witchy smiles and their energy was all dancing bokeh light. I made the intention right then and there I would be the person with beautiful bokeh light energy and I wouldn't let anyone take that from me, or interfere.
Bokeh Wallpaper: http://pcwallart.com/katie-cassidy-black-canary-wallpaper-2.html
Bokeh Girl Dancing with Hearts: http://girllovesfood.com/girllovesfood/2014/7/23/bokeh-much-the-photography-trick-you-just-have-to-try-technique-how-to-girl-loves-life
Micah's confessions and lessons that have helped with self-forgiveness, healing and acceptance.