"I show you what I want you to see. You see what you choose to see. So how can you believe you know even the half of me?" ~ Ms. Micah
Women, we don't have to sacrifice our femininity to be Warriors. Every human on earth has masculine and feminine energy. We have witnessed what happens to society, to homes and to people when one aspect is ignored, denied and stuffed down. We see unhealthy patriarchy and abuse of power when the feminine is trampled on with the intent to control.
There's no need to fear the feminine as that is what nurtures us but it's still feared and has been perceived as a 'weakness' by fragile male egos. True masculinity embraces the masculine knowing its own power and choosing to use it for a greater good. Just as the sun can appreciate witnessing its glow in the face of the moon, true masculinity honors the feminine when it embraces beingness in balance with doing, when it enters consciousness in balance with manifestation, movement and stillness. It knows a mountain isn't as beautiful without the valleys and a house is complimented with a garden. Nature demonstrates the value of these Yin and Yang energies working together every day, month and year. There are incredible examples of men that have stepped into true masculinity by embracing all that they are including the divine feminine, allowing it to flow for deeper and more meaningful life experiences. Terry Crews and Russell Brand are two of my favorite current examples.
As women we can be tempted to lash out, become vengeful and show men what it's like to experience the imbalanced masculine with our rage and anger. Our anger is justified but becoming them isn't the answer. Demonstrating what kind of world we want to see is. Anger is a powerful tool when harnessed appropriately. Embrace your femininity and fight, fight for your life, your daughter's lives, for all women by holding accountable yourself and anyone else that is not coming from a healthy space in how they interact with you or others. Resist adding to the noise of hate and come from a space of love. You can be angry and love at the same time. You can be angry and be compassionate. You can dirty your body as you fight to rise but don't let any experience dirty your heart or spirit. Don't let them change you - BE the change, because that's what divine femininity is. When you do this, you will learn what it means to feel safe within your self, you will know who you are better than ever and you will learn depths of love you never imagined and you won't be fooled ever again.
Women, we need to be our own advocates, praising and raising one another up. There's no time or room to follow the example of toxic masculinity by competing with one another. We have been told we have to compete but deep down we all know the truth. Let's show the world what happens when women unite out of love for ourselves, each other, humankind and our planet. Let's not spend another minute wasting our anger, our capacity for love.
For more information on these energies and discover how they work in our lives click either image below.
Did you know that water in your dreams often means you need to acknowledge emotions? In dreams water will beckon you to stand in witness of your emotions; it's a call to action on your part for your greatest good.
Unprocessed or imbalanced emotions can show up in a variety of other ways such as frequently feeling anger or frustration (often associated with blame and finger pointing / victim mentality), feeling numb, feeling the need to isolate yourself, frequently feeling the need to escape. Instead of creating and having a mindful and healthy relationship with people, food, substances, alcohol, sex, gambling, social media, entertainment, etc. we use them to avoid ourselves.
How do you balance emotions? First, be willing to acknowledge them. Stand in witness of your emotions, honoring them as you recognize their transient nature. This will help you remain the observer in your experience. There is a fine line between surrender and succumbing. Get help understanding that line. The more intense you feel the more you need support; don't do it alone.
Become the master of your experience. I am a woman that grew up with the perception of emotional neglect, Developmental PTSD from childhood trauma and I grew up to know Domestic Violence, Sexual Violence, Manipulation and Gaslighting and I am here tell you that the moment you become your own master and learn to love yourself unconditionally (with boundaries even for yourself) your entire world and the people in it shift. You are no longer a victim but a Warrior filled with compassion and love. Fight for your life. You're worth it.
Nothing will replace help from mental health care professionals but there are a lot of other ways to support your journey of recovery and empowerment. What helped me? Bodywork, Coaching, studying Psychology, Creating, developing a Spiritual practice and helping others. You can emerge from old stories washed clean. Allow your will to be stronger than the things that happened to you.
The first time I was called a tease was when I was a Junior in high school. I had never even kissed a boy, (none were ever interested anyway). Then all of a sudden a boy in a new school called me a tease because I wasn't interested in him. I had no idea where I was getting attention from all of a sudden and I had never heard the term 'tease' before so I had to ask a friend what he meant.
Over time I realized that being a tease was more like a super power. It can be used for the fun of interacting with the right kind of people who don't take themselves or you too seriously but enjoy a little playful banter. You can also be accused of being a tease by someone who has a specific intention for you in their mind, by absolutely no encouragement from you, and you make it clear there is no interest. You can learn a lot about other people when you don't show your hand too soon.
I don't give this much thought really until someone comes along that I don't want to tease... unless he wants me to, of course. It's tough to intentionally tease someone you want, you crave, you desire with every fiber of your being. The tease changes and you end up teasing yourself. You wake up to the scent of him, the way he moves with you and your body tenses up and you just have to stretch out the memory of him. The whispers of his mouth, the frankness of his words, the determination in every touch, the way he listens with his heart and his body - he has complete control over you, whether either of you want him to or not. To meet your match in the art of the tease is an exquisitely painful karma; one I am all too willing to surrender to.
"...the book was most helpful in approaching death because it describes in detail the deepening mental states through which the dying person passes and how to prepare for them... we pass through these states each and every day when we go to sleep or end a dream, as well as fainting, sneezing or orgasm." ~ Forward in 'Advice on Dying' by the Dalai Lama
I have spent the last few months making time to masterdate. You read that right. Earlier this month I took a weekend off of work to take myself on the perfect dates in honor of my favorite holiday, Dia de los Muertos. I grew up without holidays so I have no sentimental affinity for any holiday except this one because when I was experiencing the death and grieving process of the end of my marriage a beautiful Mexican friend introduced me to The Day of the Dead as it was her favorite holiday. Simply recalling the introduction to something I never knew before gives me chills. This resonated so deeply and I had yet to understand why. I didn't want to disrespect a tradition native to someone else's culture and not my own so I took my time getting to know it and understand it. There is a deep reverence and sacredness to this time period and I wanted to honor it with the respect it deserved. For now, I will explain what it has come to mean for me and my views of sex.
In years past, when experiencing heavy grief or numbing from trauma I would turn to sex in order to feel something again. Desire came from a space of lack. In grieving sex offered not only an escape but also a palpability to the pain of my experience. When numb it was the only thing that felt safe to feel. These experiences offered a sanctuary from my own emotions, my heart, my mind and my spirit. I couldn't process life when I felt as though all I knew was death, death of my self, my ideas, my dreams, even my realities. I remained in the darkness but the darkness wasn't scary when I had sex. I will expand on this more in the future...
Now here I am, years later, giggling with myself for calling my self care escapades "masterdating" (a Facebook friend deserves credit for that word) and feeling comfortable with feelings of discomfort. I have known various forms of death and as I rebuild my life on my own I find contentment in aloneness. There is a surrender required to truly heal and grow beyond your stories. So now I can be fascinated with the state of dying because I am not currently in that state (any more than any living creature anyway) but having known the closeness of it, having become intimate with it the fascination returns when I awake from a dream, when I catch myself falling into meditation or experiencing Yoga Nidra while riding the bus to work, but most of all I still experience that state in sex but much more so. When you release fear of death it becomes easier to drop into these states.
When you are not a victim to your own drama anymore your choices become much more conscious as do the people you choose to surround yourself with; the more intimate the relationship the more particular you become. This is because you are acutely aware of your own sacredness. You don't forget your humanness and you are by no means close to perfect but life is manageable. When a majority of people you see struggle to manage their life and their own feelings as they are easily swayed by anything that triggers them (other people, social media, politics, etc.) you must fall in love with aloneness for your own sanity.
This brings me back to sex. Now I can see so clearly when desire comes from a space of lack and not just sexual desire but any desire; decisions and choices are made from fear because the focus is on what one does not want and when I look into someone's eyes I can see it, it looks almost crazed to me and it's familiar because I know that space all too well. You see more of what you fear, more of what's "wrong" and less of what is a blessing, what has deeper purpose. When I am familiar with that empty feeling and can compare it to the feeling I have now after working so hard on myself so that I can be of service to others, those feelings I have of fulfillment and of gratitude, then how could I possibly invite that old fear into my space on any level, especially a sexual one?
It's easier to have a stronger internal boundary when you have been blessed to know men on an intimate level that set the standard, they are the standard as opposed to men you find yourself assessing to see if they meet "a" standard. If you have to think about it then they don't measure up; either they are the standard or they aren't and I for one, deserve no less. This is the man that joins with you from a space of equality eager to share a spiritual awakening through orgasm with you. He doesn't come to take from you something he is lacking within himself, instead he knows that the experience will challenge you both to go deeper within yourselves as well as one another and he has the courage to allow the experience to unfold as it's meant to. Fear is overcome with courage as you explore the states of consciousness that join death and orgasm. Old patterns of needing to attach meaning to this shared experience can be tempting but then you remind yourself that you are both safe and allowed to explore different realms of consciousness together because that shared moment is why you are together. It teaches you to remain more present and to give up the need to control anything by defining it because you know that will limit this one thing that is meant to help you both transcend those old limiting beliefs; those old unhealthy patterns.
These connections are what I wait for now. This has been a new layer of learning for my body who is used to getting what it wants when it wants. Now my mind, heart, spirit and body are beginning to have a mutual understanding and appreciation for what the sacredness of sex has the potential of being. Once you have this kind of shared experience with someone, just the presence of the other person has a profound effect on you, it can be unsettling but infinitely worth it. This is how a sexual experience can trigger the death of something you no longer need to hold on to in the healthiest of ways. Some deaths are welcomed.
Micah's confessions and lessons that have helped with self-forgiveness, healing and acceptance.