Recognition of light

Unedited Self-Portrait

There are people who come into your life that seem to accidentally reflect your light back at you just when you need to see it the most. Life can get dark and as you grow and evolve yourself you begin to lose your connections. It's tough to know where you fit when you and the people you know seem to outgrow one another. Even if it's all for the better that doesn't seem to make the feeling of 'alone-ness' much easier.

This has happened to me quite a lot over the past six and a half years and I keep finding myself trying to adjust who I am to "fit in" somewhere; an old pattern I learned from growing up being told to behave a certain way. With no chance to grow into myself I was married and again, told how to look, speak and behave. It should come as no surprise then that when the opportunity to rebel came to me I took it, desperate to discover myself in another person who was far removed from my life. I created two worlds as a way to survive the toughest one I was living.

I took this image when I began to see who I WAS thanks to the accidental reflection from someone who saw who I WAS and not who they wanted me to be and my journey of self-discovery began. My life was saved for the first time. I took this for ME, first click, no filters or modifications.

Now I'm in a similar space again. My world is now my own and I am recognizing my tendency to "adjust" myself for others and I thank myself for creating that pattern as a means to be safe in the past and then I reassure myself that I am safe now. I am the author of my life and therefore each experience that I have. I have complete control over my perspective and responses to any given situation.

​So when someone holds my eye contact with no fear and flashes a smile as we recognize the light in one another, we truly see and accept one another with no attachment to an idea of the other person, just pure acceptance and discovery, I can embrace this moment because my world no longer needs to be divided. I can embrace each moment and appreciate it for what it is, no matter how fleeting, and see who I AM, not who someone expects or imagines me to be... and that's a pretty great feeling.