We can't seem to survive without the love and support of others. Sure, some people seem to make it work but as many centenarians have proven that after conscientiousness, healthy love and social influence makes life more fulfilling and can give us a sense of purpose not to mention extend our inevitable mortality.
From the moment we are conceived we begin to form our own autonomous self as we are faced with our dependence on others. This begins as a physical dependence for our physical security and grows into the need to have psychological, emotional and even spiritual support from others. The younger we are, however, the more we are influenced by our external world. Unmet needs, lack of nurturing, overbearing environments, childhood trauma and the like all influence how we begin to shape our internal reality and form the filter through which we see the rest of the world. This filter never goes away but instead becomes more and more permanent with age when gone unrecognized. It can distort how we view ourselves thereby distorting our impression of others and how we fit in the world around us.
If you are reading this it's because you were led here by your desire to understand love. Your present state of love and relationships is less than satisfactory and you want to understand more. Maybe you already realize that you have been in a relationship where one or both of you were emotionally unavailable. Perhaps you are aware that one or both of you have played the role of a Love Addict or Love Avoidant, maybe you have or are currently experiencing the extremes of manipulation and/or abuse. You may have already identified codependency, neediness, distance or overall communication breakdowns in your relationships. If you are still reading this, no matter what you may be feeling in your body (take a moment to notice if you feel anything in your body and don't judge it, just notice it), or emotionally please understand that you are not alone and needing healthy love in your life is natural. If you can relate to the definition of a Love Addict understand that you are addicted to an imagined idea (fantasy) and that is where the work lies, not in changing your desire for love.
If you are ready to let go of blame, judgement, and victimization (self or others), then follow the button below for examples of what various phases of a healing love journey may look or feel like for someone that desires to or has begun healing their unhealthy love patterns and experiences.