Decisions and regret

Unedited photo by Ted Scanon

Some choices and certain decisions can be tricky. You question yourself because when you look outside of yourself you hear other people's opinions as well as their fears and it clouds your judgement; you lose yourself in other people and become unknowingly obsessed with what they see in you and how your actions may change their perception of you. This vicious cycle never really satisfies anyone, especially if you're living a lie, because it doesn't actually satisfy those you want to make happy because if your decisions had that much bearing on their love for you... well, that isn't love at all. That's their fear and you being a victim, a pawn of someone else's fear, thus perpetuating fear and not love.

I look back on some of the major decisions I've made in my life, when I was influenced by others and when I stood firm in what I knew to be true and best for me in that moment; knowing that as circumstances change and I grow and evolve my decision may be different but in this moment, this is what is best... when I trusted my gut things worked out for the best. When I feel fear creeping in, I check in with that fear, is it a valid fear? Is this fear because I could be putting myself in real danger? Or is this fear based on someone else's perception of "right" and "wrong", "good" or "bad". One thing I've learned is that sometimes we are put in situations that compel us to demonstrate love in a way that others may question. Perhaps it's necessary for a karmic cycle, maybe we are reaping what we have sown, or maybe we are just being challenged to love unconditionally and demonstrate that, to prove it.

When I'm faced with a difficult decision I ask myself questions to get clear. Am I really afraid or am I feeling what I imagine someone else would feel or think of me and my choice? If I were to die tomorrow or the next day, what would I regret more? Therein lies my best choice. All we have is each moment, nothing beyond that is guaranteed and if I'm coming from a deep space of love and inner knowing, of what I know to be true and I have no attachment to any particular outcome, no agenda, then I dive in. Sometimes these choices feel like sacrifices but in the long run, when you trust your decision they make you feel more alive and you radiate that love you demonstrated, even if it was just a courageous act of self-love, others still feel it; maybe not the people that are determined to condemn you if it doesn't fit what "they" would have done but it changes them for the better over time. Trust yourself and trust the process of your unfolding.