Embracing the Crone

Image captured by Jim Hesterman - jimhesterman.com

When I first saw this image I immediately recognized myself as a grandmother. I have had difficulty seeing myself as a grandmother ever since I found out I was going to be one and in this image I recognized that archetype in myself for the first time. I wasn't ready to be a mother when I became one, I did the best I could under the circumstances and with my limited knowledge of what the role of a healthy mother would feel like for a child but I always knew I was lacking. 

After years of working on myself so as to embody the archetypal Mother and eventually (hopefully) the Crone (along with my natural 'Magician' archetype) I was concerned that when I get to see my granddaughter I won't be ready once again, to 'show up' for her the way a grandmother should. But then I saw this image and in an instant I saw the work I have done. Of course I see age but I also see experience, knowledge, love and a dignity that I never knew before. I see someone who has strived to be worthy of my heart's desires that are just now beginning to be fulfilled. 

I reflect with reverence on the journey I chose which was heavily influenced by the women before me - the Sages and Crones that passed on their anguish, their lessons, their hopes, their dreams and their love. I will continue to pull away at the layers laid on me by my past, appreciating what was once offered - trusting that as I continue to reveal my deepest self I will give the generations to follow the courage to appreciate what I and other ancestors offered without needing to adapt what does not serve a greater good. I will vow to honor the naivete of my youth as I honor the wisdom that comes with my advancing years.