"I want you" - "I need you" - "I choose you" There was a time when I longed to be wanted; I craved the words, "I need you". Then I realized that 'want' comes from a space of emptiness and 'need' was coming from my own perception of lack. I wanted nothing more than to be enough for someone. How absurd when my cries were from a space of emptiness and lack proving I wasn't enough?!
I began to do the work, primarily focused on awareness; noticing when my patterns could potentially emerge, pausing, and making a different choice than one I would have made in the past. My entire world and worldview shifted as well as how I interacted with others. The thing about being self-aware is you begin to become more self-fulfilled, more self-nurturing and learn the healthy balance of self-love thereby giving you the opportunity to truly show up and love others in the healthiest ways for everyone. Every interaction with other human beings becomes more fulfilling, even if it is simply because it offers a new awareness or opportunity for growth. This is about the time the opportunity to know a certain kind of love knocked on my door. This time I was ready to face any fears head on as they would come up and begin to mindfully explore this new road with absolutely no attachment to an idea, a fantasy or a desired outcome. Here's the thing about dating when you have worked on all of your own 'stuff', you can be completely open to standing in witness of how things unfold. For the first time I wasn't the girl jumping to the end of the book to see how it ends before reading the entire thing, I am the woman who picks up the book excited to see where this journey takes me, perfectly willing to accept a surprise ending or explore an infinite amounts of chapters. Here I am discovering what it's like to choose someone every single day. I would read the quotes about love being a choice and love being a verb but never appreciated it in the real sense, the a posteriori sense. But now, now I see that the choice alone is a verb. Our overall wellness is a choice as well as a union of the mind, body and spirit; this goes for our relationships as well. Each morning and throughout the day my mind may choose him, other times my heart and often my body wants a say as well. When I'm with him they all choose him at once and it's like music; different types of music, sometimes the playlist changes or it's on shuffle but for each day and each experience we share, even in quiet stillness, there is always music. Now desire is born from the space of my own fulfillment and the recognition of the fulfillment he has within him. Desire comes from all the little things that make this person who they are, the shadow and the light, creating this beautiful package. Desire comes from the appreciation of being accepted as we are with no projections from our past. Desire comes from the relief of getting to know someone who doesn't truly need anything from us but chooses to sometimes be the one to graciously give and sometimes graciously receive. Desire will be easy because even the scariest moments will somehow make you feel even safer and you will feel a sense of ease as you get through them together. Desire will be the celebration of sharing an exciting experience with someone new, ready for wherever the road may lead you because no matter what, you will always have these moments that you are sharing together.
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This is an important time to set an intention for the next lunar year. This New Moon is in Aries and the sun is in Aries as well. My sun sign is Aries and although it isn't the strongest influence in my chart I embrace the inner child. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, related to the root chakra, foundations, renewal, rebirth and hope. Since the moon is new, beginning a new lunar cycle for the year and is in the sign that represents new beginnings there is no better time than now to get serious about what direction you want your life to go in for the rest of the year.
Aries is always playful though so look at your hopes and dreams with childlike wonder. Like a child, hold on to the belief that anything you imagine can happen. Resist the inner critic, the "logical" grown-up inside you that tries to protect you from being hurt by crushing your dreams before they even have a chance to be planted. Trust that with the right amount of faith, intention and determination you can make your dreams your reality. When setting your intention remember that before taking any type of action make absolutely sure you are certain. Trust your instincts, be patient (Aries influence is a 'dive in head first without thinking things through' influence), embrace new ideas, have faith and lots of courage. Heal your heart, your relationships and your preconceived notions around relationships of all kinds (Venus retrograde is already forcing this right now). Then you will clearly see and feel what it is you truly want. It's best to write your intentions down and check in with your progress throughout the 28 day lunar cycle. For now, notice any old belief, habit or pattern that has held you back or kept you in a state of fear. Without judgement release it and create a powerful intention from there. What can you be more open to? Venus Retrograde officially began on March 4th this year but it entered the shadow zone January 30th. It began hitting me hard about a week before the 4th though. Maybe it's because my ruling planet is Venus (in Taurus) or maybe it's my imagination... Either way I feel as though my life was a particular way and then in the last week I found out I live in a giant snow globe and some unseeable force shook it up and I'm still floating in the air watching life happen around me but unable to touch or interact with any of it. Is anyone else feeling this way?
There are 4 main attachment styles with "Secure Attachment" being the optimum attachment style in parent/child relationships as well as romantic relationships. If someone has known one and developed one of the other 3 attachment styles this can make them more likely to disassociate or become avoidant or emotionally unavailable as well as develop addictive patterns.
You can develop a secure Attachment style while living and understanding the Law of Detachment. The video discusses this further. To understand the attachment styles and to find out your style as well as your primary caregiver's style visit: http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/ For an overview of the attachment style theory go here: https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm For affirmation that you are incorporating the Law of Detachment in your relationships and every day life visit: http://www.chopra.com/articles/the-law-of-detachment I am mystified by the transition within me; a transition that is shifting the world around me and the people in it. For the first time in my life I don't have a romanticized idea of my future, no ideal, no attachment to what it should, will or is supposed to be. For the first time I feel as though I have relinquished the fear in me consumed with control and I have surrendered to the journey. Each experience filled with opportunity, each moment rich with life - my life. I have all the understanding I need to feel safe and confident so now my steps are mindful and sink into the earth with all the meaning and purpose they could ever need. I have embraced how deeply I love all the little nuances of life, of people and mostly how all these things seem to move within and without one another. I am entranced by the rhythms of the micro, the invisible, and how they form all we witness each and every day. Life has brought me to my knees more than once and I have gotten up stronger each time but now I choose to bow, to plunge myself deeper into the earth to feel it all, to know, in the depths of my being how connected I am to everything else and the power that lies in that truth. I sink into the responsibility and feel honored to know what my responsibility is and I accept it with pride. I used to be afraid to love because love was continually defined by others, but my love is not the love of others. As I feel the flow of the moon and stars, the energy of the sun and the rumbling, transformative power of the earth I stand in my love. I love each person I meet in ways unique only to them. I accept that as much as love has pained me, I have never lost love because my love is not defined by anyone other than me. I have fallen madly in love with the people I have invited in, the ones I have allowed to help shape me, and I have no regrets for loving anyone and will continue to love with that same strength. This is not an addiction, love is not my poison, relinquishing my love is. In this moment, I'm not entirely clear on what this means and that alone makes me feel liberated and free. I do know who I am and accept it. I have had this song stuck in my head (Song For Zula by Phosporescent) since yesterday afternoon and I realized it's because I feel it so deeply but now as an observer, a witness to the Micah that thought love could only punish, control, or weaken a person. Now I listen to it with resonance and each chill it gives me is an affirmation, an incantation to every layer of my self that love is meant to show us and others our vulnerability and how this only empowers each person that has the courage to stand in that space and to hold that space with another person. Love does not come with restrictive expectations but with respect and honor. Love affords you dignity as you offer dignity to others. Love holds people when they are in pain, it sits silently when someone invites you into their experience, it reflects everything in the self and the other person and accepts it with compassion. Love is our fortitude. |
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